Remembering my earliest memories


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It’s hard to determine what is the earliest memory I have. Too long ago; memories clump together.

It’s hard to determine the timeframe, especially when one is too young to understand time. When we are young, there is that blissful ignorance of time. Youthful memories are like newspaper scattered on the floor. There’s no context.

There are three early memories I have. I’m pretty sure the first is my earliest but the other two equally stand out as early memories.

The first is laying on my left side in a hospital or clinic. Maybe I received some type of inoculation. There’s no memory of any pain from the injection. The room is dark. I see light coming through the door. It leaves a pattern on the wall I’m facing. It’s quiet except for subdued voices coming from the hall.

The second memory has to do with a trip to a fun fair at some type of Catholic facility. At one point, I’m with my brother and other children before a hallway door frame. There a sheet covering the door. It’s probably waist high. We can’t see over. We held fishing poles and sat on the floor. The fishing lines went over the top of the sheet. Someone on the other side placed a prize on our hooks. I could hear voices. I don’t remember what I “caught.” It might have been something round, like a plastic bangle.

Later, I remember walking outside in the grass. It was a sunny day. The terraced grounds had rock walls. Maybe it was a cemetery? I don’t remember.

The third early memory took place either before or after a wedding. It might have been a reception. I’m standing in a hallway with my parents and brother. The folks are talking to another couple. There were stone arches all around me. I could see the evening darkness through the arches. Someone gave me half a stick of gum.

What’s your earliest memory?

The idea for this blog came from “Writing Down The Bones” by Natalie Goldberg.

What is beauty? What is art?


What is beauty? 

I think of art when I think of beauty. So, what makes art beautiful?

This Pilatian question is hard to answer. Museums and colleges are full of people who try to define it. But do they really answer it? They likely are just adoding to a lively debate.

Artist try to express it with their vision. Their work spans from the grandeur of the Sistine Chapel, the simplistic doodlings of John Lennon, or the macabre works of a British artist who framed a cow sawn in two lengthwise.

Doubtful there will ever be a consensus of what is beauty in art.

I did read a definition today that I really liked. It comes the closest to defining beauty in art. It came from a historian but not known for art history. 

“…Beauty is any quality by which an object or a form pleases a beholder. Primarily and originally the object does not please the beholder because it is beautiful, but rather he calls it beautiful because it pleases him.”

“Art is the creation of beauty; it is the expression of thought or feeling in a form that seems beautify or sublime, and therefore arouses in us some reverberation of that primordial delight which woman gives to man, or man to woman.”

Here’s the part I really liked:

“…it may please us through color, which brightens the spirit or intensifies life; or finally the form may please us through veracity–because its lucid and transparent imitation of nature or reality catches some mortal loveliness of plant or animal, or some transient meaning of circumstance, and holds it still for our lingering enjoyment or leisurely understanding.”

Will Durant wrote this in “Our Oriental Heritage.”

Then it seems true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Seems true. The part where Durant talks about color and form–or lack of color and texture–is why I love this painting of a sunflower. It’s while I love black-and-white photography.

I did the painting on July 4 of this year. I’d never painted before. I saw the pattern in a crafts store. The colors captivated me, particularly the brilliance. Guess it has something to do with my color-blindness. I know it’s not a great work of art worthy of Michelangelo, van Gogh or Picasso. Nevertheless, I find it beautiful. 

Just as color captivates me, so does the lack of color and the relationship of black, white and intervening shades of gray. Black-and-white photography forces the viewer to examine the texture. It causes me to look more closely at a photograph. It makes me see even more by seeing less.

I don’t hope to have helped define beauty and art. Maybe I simply added to the confusion. It’s what struck me while reading Durant today.
 
What your take on beauty?

Going on a foot patrol in Afghanistan


Note: I attended the “Conversations and Communications: Practical Advice on Writing” conference at the Washington campus of Johns

The author before the patrol.

Hopkins University. One presenter gave us a writing prompt assignment after her presentation on creative non-fiction writing. The prompt was, “Write about a time you lived unsafely but really lived.” Here’s what I wrote.

“The next convoy won’t be for another six hours,” the British soldier said. “Want to go on a foot patrol with us?”

There was a problem.  Before deploying, I’d promised her I would not go “outside the wire” unless my job required it. She didn’t want me to take any unnecessary chances and wanted me to come home safely. So did I.

Group photograph of British soldiers.

The idea sounded intriguing. I’d been in Afghanistanfor five-and-a-half months at the time and was due to rotate home in two weeks. I had shot photographs at a local school but hadn’t experienced how Afghans lived in their world.

It was a dilemma. Technically, I was at this British NATO base outside Kabul as part of my job. They wanted a group photograph before rotating

home the next week. Going on a foot patrol, however, wasn’t part of the job. Here was a chance to see Afghanistan. My wife wouldn’t know until afterwards.

Kuchi girls

The British sergeant tried to ease what he perceived was my anxiety. They’d patrolled the village for over two years and nothing happened. He meant it as an encouragement. This meant they were due, I thought.

The spirit of adventure and peer pressure eventually won. I decided to go.

We met in a briefing room where the team received an intelligence briefing, team assignments and safety reminders. The final was not only meant for the soldiers, but more for the two accompanying Royal Air Force officers and me. The sergeant reminded us to listen to his soldiers and also reminded his soldiers to look out for us. New people on a patrol always increased safety concerns.

Everyone geared up and headed out to the vehicles for the 10-minute trip to the village. The vehicles pulled up. Everyone received a seating assignment. My seat was in the back by the door since I was the most inexperienced in going on patrols. I had to keep an eye outside the back window and look for anyone coming up from behind meaning to harm us. One soldier stood the entire time with his upper body outside the turret ready to provide fire support.

The ride was bumpy. Dust was everywhere and quickly clouded up the inside of the truck. The Afghan interpreter had a scarf across his face to keep from breathing in the dust. I wished I had one. A kiosk in the British base sold them, but I didn’t buy one. Could I wear it with my uniform? The dust made me wish I had one.

We eventually arrived at the outpost and received another quick briefing. I was anxious about my first foot patrol and hoped it wouldn’t turn into

Afghan cow

Afghan cow

a combat patrol. How would I explain that to my wife?

My eyes tried to take in everything as we walked outside the outpost and through the dusty field. I was looking for a great photograph to shoot and, more importantly, any suspicious activity. It didn’t take long to learn keeping my rifle slung over my left shoulder and hold the Nikon F3 in my right wasn’t going the be easy. The simple rifle sling kept sliding off my body armor.

Working the camera with one hand, fortunately, was easy. The Nikon F3 was “automatic everything.” The camera took care of exposure and focus. I simply had to frame the shot and press the shutter release.

Photographic images kept appearing. A soldier and the translator heading out — click. A cow in the field — click. Two boys, one sitting in white

Afghan boys.

plastic patio chair with Dari writing on the wall behind them — click.

We crossed the field and headed to the nearby village. The sergeant needed to meet with the malek, the village leader, to see if he had any concerns to share or wants for his village. We reached the village and the translator began speaking with the gathering Afghan men. The sergeant was on the radio talking with the base to inform them of our progress and position. Manure lay drying in the sun near where he knelt.

A local man looked like what I had expected from photographs. He had a beard and moustache, and wore the “Massoud” pakul hat which is a flat wool hat rolled up on the sides. Its name came from the

Village wearing "Massoud" hat.

Tajik leader known as the Lion of Panjshir. He was one of the much-loved leaders of the mujahedeen that drove out the Soviet army. He also led

the anti-Taliban Northern Alliance. Al Qaeda terrorists, posing as broadcast journalists, assassinated him Sept. 9, 2001.

Afghan boys

The malek eventually arrived and welcomed us into his walled compound and home. We entered his living room and sat on the floor. We sat with our feet flat on the floor since it is disrespectful to show the bottom of your feet. A female RAF flight lieutenant kept her hat on out of respect for the malek. The white in the clothing of the malek and his sons created a sharp contrast to the blood red walls.

The sergeant drank the tea the malek offered. The rest of us didn’t have any. The sergeant

Sufi elder

asked what the village needed. A visit by a medical team, the malek said. They always requested a medical visit, the sergeant said afterwards. We left and went outside after 45 minutes.

Children came to greet us hoping to receive candy. I became so engrossed in taking pictures I forgot my situational awareness. A soldier stopped me from kneeling on the ground to get a better shot. He pointed to what would have been under my knee. It was a discarded hypodermic needle. That could have created all sorts of medical issues. For the first time I noticed the trash the littered the ground. It was everywhere.

Afghan boy

We resumed our patrol through the village. Children flocked all around us. The soldiers warned us not to give out food as that would bring more swarming children and make maintaining security more difficult. Having Afghan villagers walking among us was unnerving because we didn’t know what might happen.Afghan girl

I kept taking pictures as we left the village. We passed mud walls of an ancient fort. We walked by abandoned and destroyed mud homes. A soldier always walked through them to see if insurgents had stored contraband there. We passed the mud walls of the brick kilns.

Afghan cemetery

We also passed a grave flying a green flag. Soldiers told me that was a sign the person buried there was murdered. I saw

off in the distance women in brightly colored clothing gathering water. They were Kuchi, a nomadic tribe in Afghanistan. We passed a Kuchi home where two young girls walked over the same trash strewn ground. The Kuchi lived on an abandoned Soviet artillery range.

Kuchi women

Three hours later we returned to the outpost and headed home. I was grateful nothing happened on the patrol but was very grateful of the opportunity to see the real Afghanistan.

Twenty years for Russ


 The Beatles have a very familiar song which starts out, “It was 20 years ago today, Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play.” Well, Sergeant Pepper didn’t teach me how to play but three military training instructors welcomed me to Lackland Air Force Base in the early morning hours.

Today marks my 20th anniversary in the Air Force. Wow, 20 years. It doesn’t seem like it could be possible. Back in August 1989, this day seemed so far away. Twenty years later, the time has flown.

My flight was the first one to wear the battle dress uniform. There were many Airmen who wore the fatigues. Those who wore them told me they were comfortable. Now, BDUs are gone…replaced by Airman Battle Uniform.

Early in my career, Airmen eagerly sought field training opportunities because it gave them a chance to do their job in a war-time setting. Now, the Air Force is expeditionary. Airmen are deploying frequently to war zones. Some are doing their jobs, and others are serving in Joint Expeditionary Taskings. They are bravely doing a war-time role outside of their normal careers.

The Air Force has been good to me, though the past five years have been rough. Spending a year in Korea, six months in Afghanistan and six months in Iraq—and let’s not forget require professional military education and training—I’ve been gone almost as much as I’ve been home.  While it’s been hard for me, it’s been even harder for my wife Lisa.

The Air Force has given me a chance to see the world. I’ve lived in England, South Korea, Honduras, Afghanistan and Iraq. I’ve also visited Scotland, France, Germany and Kyrgyzstan. I’ve had the honor of working in the Pentagon, first in the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Public Affairs Office and now in Secretary of the Air Force Public Affairs.

Most importantly, the Air Force indirectly set the conditions up—assignments and friends—for me to find the love of my life…my wonderful wife Lisa.  It’s almost been six-and-a-half years since we were married. Through that time, she’s bravely dealt with me being away. If there’s been any personal good in my absences due to unaccompanied assignments and deployments, it’s reminded us how much we love each other.

Thank you, Air Force, for 20 years.